Shot by Peter Hayes, Sydney, NSW

Pictured: Okra Juice in cynsic "towel" shorts

OKRA'S WORLD

Where have I been?

To be honest, I needed to soul search! I spent the last two years refocusing and reestablishing my sense of self. As you are well aware, the most important thing to me is authenticity and I felt that as I transitioned into this new era a lot didn't fit, A lot of growing pains! Soulful rather than physical, I needed more of my solitude. Nevertheless I am back, this time a lot more rooted, a lot more true

What did I pick up along the way?

I really wanted to share on this note of "soul searching" the importance of ownership/accountability. What i've discovered is that when in isolation with your fears, dreams and desires no one is in charge of your journey but you.

The pace, where you go? That is all up to you and you need to grab ahold of that fact. We live in a world where its conventional and almost expected that after a certain age you have to disregard all your authority to join the swarm. Belonging is preached as a loss of self, aspiration and individuality when in all reality in order for you to find 'true' belonging you must first find it in you, be able to grasp even a whiff.

As a woman it's a little more complicated, there is this notion that you don't know where you're going, who you are... so many people expect less to the point that you do too. It begins to feel like you're the one missing the bigger picture, who is misunderstanding everything. While relocating hoping to find who I was in location, I stumbled upon many versions of me. Different opportunities presented themselves that made me question what exactly I gave off. People seemed to miss the part where I was a passionate writer, a connoisseur of imagination and experiences, they seemed to not catch the part that I lived in such vivid colour. Instead what they saw (which is something I now realise) was what they could handle. Comprehend. young and naive. the labels start to seep in. People then box you in. Fatigued by all the change I just played into it. Till I eventually lost me. I too could only deal with what I could handle. This objectified two dimensional version of me. I would pray for the day that my name would ring a bell to me, where I would meet the real me again.

Eventually, you get tired, eventually you get angry, eventually you stop caring. Eventually you stop begging, depending, praying... Until the flesh rips off your knuckles from hitting at that wall. Eventually your whole posture changes. I think of King David a lot. That moment where he graduated from the shepherd boy to king. Where he had to assume an identity so far from what he believed he was destined for. Eventually you just have to stand up and move in assignment. 

My prayers changed, I started having real conversations with God.